Weather PermittingĀ 

The grey clouds have been hanging plump and low in the sky since this morning. 

Had to wait over 3 hours for the storm to hit. 

Thunder, lightening, wind and rain. 

A mother and daughter in Mississippi, trapped in their scrap metal trailer, found dead this morning. 

Nothin personal. Just hope it doesn’t happen here.

I take refuge in a diner, order coffee, no cream, no sugar and an All the Way Deluxe Cheeseburger with Fries.

Some loud lady is looking at a quiet man. She’s saying, “Ketchup. I want ketchup.”

I sip hot liquid from a ceramic cup and I open my Get Rich Quick workbook to the page promising I can “make $1,000 today.”

I look out the window just as several pages of a newspaper flap and float across the parking lot.

I take a fry and dip it into the mustard puddle on my plate. 

I think, “Three. Three hundred would suit me fine.”

Posted in 12 Step Meetings, Blues, Co-Dependency, Denial, Love, Memoir, Money, Poetry, Relationships | 2 Comments

More Than Money

I read this post on Facebook about the Law of Attraction.

Checked out the free videos, too.

For a fee, I would be given a secret prosperity prayer and an amazing attraction amulet.

I pressed the “Thank you, no” icon, closed my eyes and pictured all good things coming my way.

I sold some tee-shirts, a good paying gig came out of nowhere, and Joey’s granny starting giving me gas money for driving her grandson everywhere he needs to go.

I said, “His mom should be givin me money, not you.”

“It’s from her. 

She gave it to me. 

She thinks it’s going to buy her more time at my house. 

She doesn’t realise her welcome is wrecked and worn way past reconcilliation but, as long as she leaves these dollars for me, I’m giving them to you.”

I thanked her. And I thanked the Laws of Attraction.

Joey swam his ass off yesterday. One third place and three first place finishes.

I sent his granny photos/videos from my cell. 

I sent his mom nothing. 

If it’s not football, if it’s not basketball, she doesn’t give a shit. 

She was off work. 

She could’ve attended. 

Instead, she slept all day.

Okay with me.

Joey slaps his wet hand on my back, “Thought you’d be gone. Don’t you have a show?”

“Nah,” I said. “Cancelled. Shut down by the Law of Attraction.”

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Watch “No lover” on YouTube My buddy jgturtle and I goofin off on Valentine’s. 

Posted in Blues, Co-Dependency, Love, Memoir, Parenting, Poetry, Relationships | 1 Comment

Mixed BlessingĀ 

Looks like the slow season for live music is gonna be a short one this year. 

I’m already getting calls from clubs and restaurants wanting to book me February, March and April. 

Solo and band.

My band plays house rockin’, get out of your chair and up on your feet coz you’re gonna want to move Blues.

For so many years, folks booking music round here were convinced patrons would not appreciate true American music.

But, times have changed and it looks like it’s gonna benefit my band.

My friend called this morning and said, “I don’t think I’m depressed but I didn’t want to do anything yesterday. Couldn’t make myself accomplish a goddamn thing.”

He’s feeling better today. “Coz folks are finally seeing that man is fucked up. They’re seeing it and they don’t like it. And they’re letting Washington know how they feel. And that makes me feel better. Even if the tanks roll into town tomorrow, I’ll continue to feel better coz I now know that millions know this is bullshit.”

And, when the tanks roll into town, you’re gonna wish you booked my Blues band.

Posted in 12 Step Meetings, Blues, Co-Dependency, Love, Memoir, Money, Parenting, Poetry, Relationships | 5 Comments

Go With The Flow

Joey and I are at McDonald’s. School’s out for the day and his basketball practice doesn’t start for another hour so I made use of a buy one get one free coupon and brought two fish sandwiches to our table. 

I’d take him somewhere besides McDees if I had more money. I’d fix him a home made healthy snack if I had a home. 

“It’s okay,” he says. “I’ll burn it all off at practice.”

And I bet he will. Coz he’s all in when it comes to his game. He’s all in. He’s there to play. He says, “I’m not there to be the star. My job is to asist, defend our goal and get the rebound.”

And he does. Most of the time.

Still, he is but twelve years old and the first hints of his transition to thirteen are making their appearance. 

His voice cracks, his moods swing and his baby fat has all but disappeared. 

His humor has matured and his wit is quick, natural and good natured. 

Still, he is kid enough to want to hang out. And he is not yet too embarrassed to hug me and say, “I love you.”

He and I have a good time and I am treasuring every moment of this year coz, once he’s a teenager, a lot of things are gonna change. 

How do I know? I know coz it seems to be what happens for almost everybody. That’s the way it happened for me. 

It’s the natural course of things.

Posted in 12 Step Meetings, Blues, Co-Dependency, Love, Memoir, Parenting, Poetry, Relationships | 2 Comments

Coz I Don’t Have A Gun And Johnny Is The Only Law I Know

I didn’t think today was going to bother me. But it did.

I didn’t think I was going to listen to His speech. But I did.

I called my friend and said, “Your Man just took the oath and talked His talk.”

“Yeah,” he said. “We all watched it at the store.”

“Cool,” I said. “You still have your bullets?”

“Do I…”

“Your guns? Still got ’em?”

“Yeah, still got ’em.”

“My Man let you keep your weapons? And He didn’t declare martial law?”

“Not yet.”

“Not ever.”

“So, you called to rub it in, did ya?”

“Sort of…”

Yeah, I called to rub it in coz, for eight years, my friend has been convinced the shootings at schools, in San Bernadino, Orlando, the incidents of Cops taking Black lives, of Cops being Killed have all been part and parcel of a plot hatched by Obama to take away “our guns and declare martial law.”

I called to rub it in coz my response to his dire prediction was always, “Don’t think that’s gonna happen but, if it does, I’ll be the first to admit I was wrong and you were right.”

I didn’t think I was going to call to say, “I told you so…”

But I did.

Posted in 12 Step Meetings, Blues, Co-Dependency, Love, Memoir, Poetry, Relationships | 3 Comments

Got To Go Now Coz Mickey D’s Is Closing

She said, “The temperature is perfect tonight. Perfect for sleeping on the patio. In the hammock. It’s comfortable.”

“And it’s not comfortable for Mike. Me sleepin’ on the couch.”

“He didn’t say anything but…”

“I understand. I do.”

And, I do. Mike is Janet’s boyfriend. They’ve been together a little bit over eight years. 

She’s known Mike all her life but fell in love with him a year or so after her life wuth me came to an end on Dec. 30, 2006. 

I let the tenth anniversary pass without mention. Though, I bowed my head and recounted the events all the way up to the dissolution of our relationship…to the end of what I was convinced would last forever…and the acknowlegment to God and to, no one else coz, believe me, they don’t want to hear it…the acknowlegment that I only have myself to blame…it was my doing….my fault…

Posted in 12 Step Meetings, Blues, Co-Dependency, Love, Memoir, Poetry, Relationships | 1 Comment