On Monday, at 1p.m. central time, I became homeless.
I knew it was going to happen. I’ve known for over a year. I had a short sale in the works and I was going to get $10,000 for relocation expenses.
The folks intending to buy my house told me I could take as long as I needed to move. They also said the foreclosure judge would sign off on the contract, no sweat.
Then the foreclosure judge retired and the new your honor refused to recognize my short sale and decreed the house to be court house steps returned to the bank for $100.
Some company called Altisource negotiated my departure.
I said, “I need four weeks and $10,000.”
They said, “We’ll give you three weeks and $2,000.”
Twenty-four days later, after the Altisource inspector determined I failed to restore my former abode its yard to its original 1975 condition, I rode off on my bicycle with an $800 check in my pocket.
I thought, “What kind of car I’m gonna get w/ 4×2 Benjamins?”