I’ve been in a bad place lately. I wasn’t gonna post coz everything’s gonna sound like “po’ baby” cryin’. But I woke up yesterday and thought, “This is as good as I’m gonna get.” And I wanted to scream. I wanted to get in my car and drive till I ran outta money and gas and then I wanted to keep goin’ coz what the fuck good am I if I’m gonna be stuck like this forever? What the fuck good am I?
I’ve got no answer. I want no answer. This just washes over me every so often and I get over it eventually. Or I forget about it till the next time.
I know one thing. I’m not goin’ to Costa Rica like I’ve planned. And I’m goin’ to piss some folks off coz I’m not goin’. I don’t want to go into the reasons for me cancelin’ my trip right now but I’m determined to ruin my most recent chance for a little happiness…if not happiness, then a little bit of selfish pleasure. I’m lookin’ a gift horse in the mouth and tryin’ to pull its teeth.