SQUARE PANTS

I spent the weekend workin’ on 3 songs. The titles are: “Mobile, Alabama Dickhead Blues,” “I Don’t Know If You Love Me (but i know obama-care),” and “Under a Costa Rican Moon.” The last was written as an antidote to my experiments w/ barroom angst and political posturin’. I’m too involved w/ things I don’t care about (drinkin’ and politics) and lackin’ in the one thing that gives me reason to live ( a love life). That’s why I have to write a romantic fluff of a tune every once in a while. It’s my way of pretendin’ I have a girlfriend.

Otherwise, I’d be watchin’ faux reality shows on Channel Ten and talkin’ about them w/ my step-grandson, Joey. I spent time w/ him on Sunday. His mom had takin’ over the one workin’ television in the house so he wasn’t able to play X-Box Live and his uncle didn’t want him over to play w/ his cousins so he had nothin’ else to do but call me and see what I was doin’. I wasn’t doin’ anything but writin’ songs and, even though I was choice number 3, I was glad to hang out w/ him.

I picked him up at his house, took him to Game Stop, bought him a MindCraft game, ducked into the yogurt shop for some chocolate yogurt w/ m&m sprinkles and sat on the curb outside the shop to talk about stuff.

I started things off w/ “Joey, what you been doin’?”

“Not much. Just playin’ X-Box and watchin’ T.V. when Mom’s asleep.”

“What ya watchin’?”

“Oh, ‘Sponge Bob’, Disney Channel and ‘My Ex-Boyfriend’s Hookin’ Up W/ My Hot Mom.'”

“Why you watchin’ that garbage?”

“I like ‘Sponge Bob.'”

“No, buddy, that ‘Hot Mom’ garbage.”

“What d’ya mean, JoJo, she was Hot.”

“That’s not the point. You’re 9 years old. Where was your mom?”

“I told you she was asleep.”

“Right. You’re makin’ me happy I don’t have tv.”

“Tell me about it. The next show had me confused.”

“Confused?”

“Yeah, it was called, I think it was called ‘My Boyfriend Hooks Up W/ Your Sister’s Hot Boyfriend.’ Two boys kissin’.”

“Yeah, and a boy kissin’ a mom.”

“Yeah, I don’t understand any of it, it’s all really, kind of gross, but I can’t turn it off once I start watchin’ it.”

“Which is why I wish you wouldn’t watch it till you’re older.”

“Then I’d be able to stop watchin’?”

“Probably not, bein’ older doesn’t always mean more control, it just means I’d feel better if you’d wait till you were older to watch that crap.”

“You said crap.”

We stopped the heavy talk and focused on the ants scurryin’ all over the parkin’ lot asphalt. Joey crumbled a couple of m&ms and offered them to the itty-bitty varmints out scavenging for their queen. Joey said, “You know ants are strong for their size. They can lift way more than their weight. And they work together to bring the food home.”

“Well,” I said.”At least you’re payin’ attention at school.”

“Don’t know about that,” my buddy scoffed. ” I picked this ant stuff up from The Learning Channel.”

“Okay, The Learning Channel you can watch.”

“And Sponge Bob?”

“And Sponge Bob.”

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About joefingas

I am a songwriter, poet, blues singer, and a boogie woogie piano player. I have a grandson but I have no children of my own. All my women have wised up and left me. I was a bum, a wino, a drug/alcohol counselor, a prevention/intervention specialist and a pretender. I have no more time to pretend.
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