“Okay,” I tell myself, “I’m gonna keep my mind open and listen to what these folks have to say.” These folks bein’ the same folks I walked out on yesterday. Now, I don’t think they knew I was walkin’ out on them. I mean, I feigned the whole cell phone w/ ringer silenced but informin’ me somehow that I have a call by puttin’ the cell to my ear as I got out of my chair and walked out of the room. Hell, I even rolled my eyes, pointed to the phone at my ear and shook the hands of two guys as I left. No, I don’t think they knew I was walkin’ out on them.

The point is: I know I walked out on them. I walked out pretendin’ outside interruption when the real disturbance was internal. I mean, I know I need these people and this room more now than I’ve ever needed them. And I’ve always needed them though, yesterday mornin’, I was all ate up w/ my inner “smug”…y’know, me feelin’ superior to every friend and acquaintance.

Yeah, when I am irritable, I become arrogant in my perception. And, yesterday, I was as arrogant an asshole as I have ever been when I walked out.

So, I’m gonna try it again this mornin’. But…


About joefingas

I am a songwriter, poet, blues singer, and a boogie woogie piano player. I have a grandson but I have no children of my own. All my women have wised up and left me. I was a bum, a wino, a drug/alcohol counselor, a prevention/intervention specialist and a pretender. I have no more time to pretend.
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  1. The Mom says:

    It’s ok to walk out as long as you are honest with yourself why. And you are. I love this about your writing. No time to pretend. You might walk out again next time, hopefully you’ll stay a little longer before you do. And open your heart just a little to what you need. So you aren’t so overcome by the need to run from it.

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